Getcher boomstick ready

OMG OMG OMG you people it’s finally happening!

The zombie outbreak is here!

News of an imminent zombie invasion in Liberia is perhaps the most audacious fake news story on the Internet right now, creating panic among thousands of gullible readers who are taking it seriously on social media message boards, repeating the rumor among friends, and getting a bit hysterical about the spread of ebola in Dallas, TX.

The right-wing mock news site, Big American News, broke the fake story to its readers on September 30. Since then, the link to the article has been tweeted nearly 1,000 times and shared by more than 500,000 Facebook users.

I mean, hell, we’ve got people running around this country who still think Obama’s a gay Muslim terrorist, who think the British royals are shape-shifting reptiles, who think the 9/11 attacks were done with mini-nukes and holographic planes, and who eat liver pudding. We should be surprised anymore?

While Big American News may be a mock-news source, its sources are not kidding around. Big American News got the story from the popular African news site,, which aggregated the ebola zombie story from a Liberian newspaper called New Dawn.

The original story on New Dawn claims:

Two Ebola patients, who died of the virus in separate communities in Nimba County have reportedly resurrected in the county. The victims, both females, believed to be in their 60s and 40s respectively, died of the Ebola virus recently in Hope Village Community and the Catholic Community in Ganta, Nimba.

But to the amazement of residents and onlookers on Monday, the deceased reportedly regained life in total disbelief. The NewDawn Nimba County correspondent said the late Dorris Quoi of Hope Village Community and the second victim only identified as Ma Kebeh, said to be in her late 60s, were about to be taken for burial when they resurrected.

Hopefully FAUX will pick up on this important story soon before it gets too serious.  After all, with the GOP House, and the staffs of Townhall, WorldNetDaily and National Review Online, we’ve got a whole cadre of zombie-immune warriors suitable for the front lines of World War Derp.



The 149 year cease-fire

Welp, it’s Election time again, and the Democratic Gubernatorial challenger here in South Ca’lina has had the GALL to object to the Confederate battle flag flying outside the State House, right across from Main Street.

“Piffle”, says our Governor:

South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley (R) on Tuesday said that there was no need to remove the Confederate battle flag from the Statehouse grounds because it was not an issue for CEOs, and the state had “fixed” racist perceptions by electing an Indian-American governor.

Oh, hey, what’s that about CEOs?

“What I can tell you is over the last three and a half years, I spent a lot of my days on the phones with CEOs and recruiting jobs to this state,” the governor noted. “I can honestly say I have not had one conversation with a single CEO about the Confederate flag.”


After all, it’s not like we haven’t made giant strides in rehabilitating our image nationwide:

Haley said that she had tried to improve the perception of the state by ordering employees to answer the phone with the phrase “it’s a great day in South Carolina.”

“But we really kind of fixed all that when you elected the first Indian-American female governor,” she insisted. “When we appointed the first African-American U.S. senator, that sent a huge message.”

Some of our best friends are… nnn…iii… those people! And I’ve almost gotten to the point I can call our government offices and not have to repress giggling at how the phones are answered.

I mean, just because South Carolina’s elected officials and GOP representatives keep popping off with outrageous racist bull, you’d think we had some sort of problem down here. Nothing could be more wrong!

For example, at least we’re not calling for martial law.


Preventing the plague from crossing our designer borders

Oh, my. Morgan Brittany, who was once on Dynasty or Dallas or some such, has a new kip over at WorldNutDaily, where she’s farmed out some nice, putrid mangos:

I attended a dinner party this past weekend and was intrigued by the tone of the conversations that swirled around the room. There were, of course, the typical “fluff” conversations that were intended to lightly touch the surface of various subjects – but then there were conversations circling around Ebola and an underlying distrust of the government.

This was actually surprising to me, since I was in the heart of Los Angeles and these people were definitely not clinging to their “guns and religion.” The majority of them were upper middle class – baby boomers and “yuppies” who would never want to be thought of as conservative, but as more libertarian in their political views.

No, why, there’s no set of people more reasonable today than Libertarians, no.

Upon hearing this latest evidence of the incompetence permeating our government, the conversation veered into conspiracy territory. One of the men brought up the fact that Washington has known for months if not years that we were at risk for some sort of global pandemic. According to a government supplier of emergency products, the Disaster Assistance Response Team was told to be prepared to be activated in the month of October for an outbreak of Ebola.

Odd thing, that – apparently, when you look on-line for verification about that “be prepared” warning, the only places confirming it are those reliable journalists at InfoWars and their ilk. So, yeah, I’m calling “shenanigans” on that.

Recent polls show that there is a crisis of confidence among the people. When the people lose all trust in their government because of the lies they have been told over and over again, theories begin to emerge about all sorts of things. We desperately need someone to rebuild the trust and restore faith in this government. The damage that has been done is almost irreparable.

Sure, when there’s a lack of trust it leads to conspiracy theory, but we’re talking about people, after all, who never really had faith in the government in the first place, especially not in Obama. It’s not as if they can claim, after the birther BS, the IRS non-scandal, the “New Black Panthers”, the dark mutterings over the ACA, BENGHAZI!, and gun control nuttery, that now, with this revelation, this is what’s caused them to abandon their faith in Washington.

Secondly – for whatever reason, we have a burgeoning industry in this country in shopping every nutball conspiracy blather known to modern man – many of them being the very outlets repeating the false “outbreak coming in October” story Ms. Morgan referred to. You don’t need to presuppose loss of faith in government as a source for conspiracies when you have InfoWars, FAUX News, and, yes, WorldNetDaily uncritically repeating everything they hear for their audience of yahoos so “open-minded” that their skulls are hollow and they drag their brains around behind them like swollen tails.

Thirdly – and this is the crux of it – so many of the people who are now calling for fainting couches over the crimes of Obama are the very same ones who defended the previous Administration and its true crimes and failures – 9/11, WMDs, tax cuts for the rich, government surveillance, justifications for kidnapping and torture, Katrina. And have defended the GOP in their new festival of corruption and incompetence: restrictive election laws, government shutdown and sequestration, defense of Citizens United, and the wars on women, minorities and the poor. The only time the GOP is taken to task by this crowd is when, as in the amnesty issue, they’re viewed as being insufficiently cruel, shallow and punitive.

So pardon me if I detect the fine scent of merdre d’ taureau from this article, where the people who shit the bed complain about the mess and smell.







David Kurtz at Talking Points Memo has an article on the evolving nature of threats against President Obama, and finishes up with this:

But this is the first time that I’ve seen so clearly how the mostly failed racist rhetorical attacks against Obama morphed, at least in the minds of those crazy enough to openly threaten the President, into the government overreach attacks. It’s not his race that makes him unsuitable for the highest office, it’s his demonstrated disregard for the Constitution and American traditions. It’s his assault on America that justifies assaulting him. But you can’t help but notice how the evolution of the threats against him tracks with the evolving political attacks against him that we treat as mainstream and acceptable. It’s a dark place we’re in.

While it’s good that the threats based on race have been falling off, threats against government overreach are more worrying, because we’ve seen this kind of thing before.  I’ve been saying this over and over, but this reminds me of the 1994-1995 period under Clinton, with the ever-increasing rhetoric against the government and dark mutterings among the right on what might be necessary, ending up in a tragedy.

I hope I continue to be wrong about that concern.



Oh, wow, I just found someone who did read Caliphate and did a summary, and it’s a doozy:

Right, I’ve read Caliphate, thought I’d relate some of it, because its really funny.

Spoilers ahead, obviously.

America is hit with half a dozen nuclear warheads, some from Nork sources, some from Pakistan, some old Russian ones. The united Kingdom takes one in London.

Both countries goverments are either decapitated, or severely compromised, millions dead, and more to come.

We are given the perspective of an awesomely stupid character, a german “artist” who regularly protests against American interference in other countries affairs, its warmongering etc etc. Basically a character with little or no redeeming features, whose every thought is achingly stupid. Shes gets hot for a Muslim who throughout the book becomes more and more disillusioned with Islam, eventually converting to Christianity and joining team america.

The convert leaves for america, unknowingly fathering a child on Petra, the grandmother of the Petra who is sold into slavery. The timeline jumps twixt “present day” and the early years of this century.

This Petra joins pre-emptive protests against American retaliation, expecting a massive military onslaught in revenge.

In a rather unlikely twist, the exact opposite happens. A policy of utter appeasement is adopted, and the american goverment bends over and spreads for “Islam” The hunt for Bin Laden is abandoned, american troops withdraw from everywhere, Moslem (note spelling) immigration is permitted on a massive scale , Israel is abandoned, etc etc. Basically the worst nightmare of any America loving patriot.

This then causes a massive backlash, and some bloke starts a shiny new party that basically operates on “getting motherfucking revenge”.

This is a massive success, and sweeps the nation, and the two existing parties become minorities.

The “history” is related in segments, taken from the book of the dark times, which are outright stated to be a result of lax political decisions taken “now”.

Basically, the new Yankee goverment gives an ultimatum to Islam, and this causes a massive evacuation, which tails off when “they” begin to believe its just a bluff. On september 11, 2019, America nukes 10 Islamic cities for every nuke attack on their soil, erases Mecca and Medina with massive overkill strikes etc.

At some point, Israel is eradicated, and in the modern world of the Caliphate, Jews are remembered only as mythical devils that the Koran warns against.

The EU and Canada sever ties with America in protest, absorbing millions of refugees from the blasted wastelands of the Middle east etc.

America occupies the oil rich regions of the world that have suddenly become vacant, and sucks them dry, leaving once it has become self-sufficient, incidentally nuking the middle east again when they leave.

As things progress, Russia becomes a Tsar ruled dictatorship, the PRC becomes the Celestial Han Kingdom, Japan becomes even more friendly with america, IIRC actually part of the American empire.

The United Kingdom is ruled by what appears to be a massively re-empowered Monarchy, in a similar fashion to America. (the “bloke” becomes President for Life) It is the first country to begin purging its population of Muslims after America starts, bypassing internment camps and moving straight along to physically dumping them on the shores of France by the hundreds of thousands.

American political reforms are aided by executive pardons of those who murder “liberal” judges and politicians, and this is used as a threat by the American premier in a national address.

Japan, Russia, China-Australia (not a typo) all purge their populations, killing, enslaving or ejecting their Muslim citizens. Canada and the EU are exceptions, allowing massive immigration of refugees.

The remnants of the middle east and other related regions become the Caliphate of Islam, Triumphant, and aided by their liberal nuking and occupation, plus massive exodus of population, these regions are basically crap incarnate.

Europe becomes known as the Caliphate of something something, and is a society maintained by a Dhimmis caste known as Narzani or something, since the Muslims think Allah wills everything, so don’t do any work, maintain anything or whatever. Young men are recruited into the Jannissaries and indoctrinated, young attractive female children become slaves and so forth. The Dhimmis are forced to live in trash filled hellholes because of the requirement that no muslim be less well off than them. Everyone is “born” a muslim, but some are apostates”.

Canada is invaded by america due to its vast swarms of immigrants launching attacks on America, at the third assault, America decides to secure its northern borders and conquers Canada. The United Kingdom doesn’t care, because its busy eliminating Muslims and…stuff.

America then cows the Latin American nations, various islands and crap, usually with their nutcase President waving his nuclear balls in lieu of diplomacy. Comrade Chavez gets too big for his boots and America has a new state/protectorate(second class of course)

The actual “story” beyond all this, is that America is about to commence a Reconquista of Europe, and the Caliphate knows it can’t stop it.

So it decides to destroy the world with a viral plague! To do so, it recruits…….


3 Canadian Doom-Mongers of Science are lured to the Caliphate by their desire to strike back against america, money, and easy access to the bottoms of young boys and underage girls.

Thats right, these french speaking CANADIANS not only hate america and are willing to destroy the world, but they are also disgusting,fat, ugly paedophile deviants…who like anal sex.

They intend to perform their evil CANADIAN ritual of Science in a converted castle near the border of the Neutral land of Swiss People. The castle is also used house people who provide Sex for priviliged members of society, including the Jannissaries.

Brave american hero infiltrates, motivated to do so when his Hot Blonde Lover dies by calling down a FAE strike on herself while Americans were clearing the Phillipenes for Christian resettlement. She was about to be raped, but the strike hit first.

He infiltrates, along with Token black guy. Meets up with a Celestial Kingdom Operative, a genetically engineered Hot Asian Chick Lesbian who regularly has sex with Petra, who is now a seventeen year old Hot Nordic Aryan Fucktoy, she wears a crucifix because Muslims like to fuck christian women.

Petras bro turns up, and he’s a secret Christian, he fucks Asian Lesbian chick true love blah blah, secret plot, airship, HERO.

BOOOM fire!!

Heroes escape, but Hans, Secret Christian has to stay behind, He screams DEUS VULT when he charges into combat!

Hot Nordic sex in Neutral land, Hot Lesbian chick hooks up with Hot swiss fighter pilot. etc etc.

I’m not sure whether “BLAME CANADA” or ” AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!” is most appropriate.

I forgot to address the situation in Africa.

No, don’t click the X, this is awesome.

Africa is back under white rule, the MOSLEMS have been more or less eradicated, except for where they have been pacified…..

By Zulu’s

With Assegai.

Ze Boers are back in control, and made a deal with the Zulu nation, offering them a chunk of land to found THE ZULU NATION OF ZULU WARRIORS WITH SPEARS in exchange for ruthlessly harrowing the Moslems of Africa.

Africa is now run efficiently, and Slavery has been reinstituted (Russia uses its Moslem minority for brute, slave labour on agricultural projects) Africa apparently does some slave trading etc.

The Moslems are so feared of the Dreaded Zulu, that they are completely pacified.

Young children and adults who dissent in the American Empire (its actual name_) are reeducated to conform to proper christian values.

Basically, it operates as described, except that the dreaded Moslems hunger so for young christian flesh, that any attractive female is a reason for the Tax to rise, and she is auctioned off to pay the tax.

The Jannissary corp is used because Moslem young men literally cannot be trained to fight, because they are indoctrinated with the concept that “allah prevails” so will not learn to shoot properly or maintain their weaponry. But Christian men are born into a different ethos.

By the by, the European clergy helps maintain the status quo, with the Moslem Overlords allowing strict religious enforcement of Christian religious law within certain limits, allowing the European clergy to maintain a degree of power.

Except for one priest, who gets crucified by Soon to Be Secret Christian Hans and his buddies, but preaches from the cross, finally gnawing free his crucifix and giving it to Hans before expiring.

When the mindnumbling slow net connection ate my “points of interest” post, I missed out a little tit-bit on the EVIL MOSLEMS.I’m not sure if it was meant to drive home how evil the Moslems are, or how the Chinese are still evil despite working with Team America.Anyway, if the various “houri’s” don’t co-operate, they get moved downstairs to where an AI/central computer/expert system is installed, using imported Chinese technology. Chips are implanted into the women, apparently doing some form of limited lobotomy, and they become blank faced, remote controlled fuck machines.

Thanks Tom. :wtf:

OMFG that’s SO infinitely worse than I had thought it could possibly be. I’ve had moments all day long today where I just stop and think “Zulus. With spears.” and just have to laugh at the sheer incompetence of it all.
PLUS! Same forum I got that review from has a LONG “Let’s Read” thread dealing with another Kratman book, A Desert Called Peace, and, well, here’s the summary from the thread author:
We’ll have Space Al Qaeda performing a Space 9/11 on the Space USA who invades Space Afghanistan and Space Iraq with the help of a Space Coalition of the Willing including Space Britain!
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg off how blatant it is, it does indeed get worse!
No, that’s not an overstatement – it’s amazingly bad, to a point where 22nd Century Zulus with assegais (and presumably loincloths and cow-hide shields, because reasons) sound plausible.
Quick example: the 9/11 attack in ADCP is done by Muslims flying a blimp into a skyscraper.
A blimp.
Into a skyscraper.
*headdesk* *headdesk*
And it only goes downhill from there.
I think I’ll be avoiding anything by Mr. Tom. Hess his blart (and his ammonia!)
(Kudos to the folks at the Space Battles forum, particularly white_rabbit who did Caliphate and Athene who did ADCP, You’re braver folks than I.)

He’s joking, right?

Or maybe it’s something from one of the twelve-year-olds who play his games; I mean, this couldn’t possibly be something that a mature adult could suggest:

The former director of the “Call of Duty” video game franchise suggested stationing soldiers in U.S. schools.

“The threat now, the invasion, comes from within,” said Dave Anthony, the former video game developer and a current international security fellow at the Atlantic Council.

Anthony made the remarks Wednesday at the nonpartisan Washington think tank, arguing that military personnel could function like air marshals on commercial flights, reported Bloomberg Business Week.

So… why, with the military powering up schools the same way they’ve done with police departments, do we evidently need fecking ARMED GUARDS in schools?

Three guesses, and the first two don’t count:

The website reported that Anthony’s speech was accompanied by videos depicting future threats such as a U.S. drone hacked by Iran or a hotel massacre in Las Vegas, and he warned of the domestic threat posed by Islamic State militants.

“It could be that you have 100 of these guys who may be on our soil right now, who may even be U.S. citizens, who could legally walk into whatever gun store they choose, buy some assault rifles, and start attacking soft targets,” Anthony said.

DAMN, good thing the NRA has kept us from regulating assault rifles in any useful way or requiring universal background checks. But, then again, I suppose those ISIS commandos (who may or may not be here, it could be, WHO KNOWS!?) could always, um, JUST STEAL THE GODDAMN ASSAULT RIFLES THE PENTAGON GAVE THE SCHOOLS. *headdesk* *headdesk*

Or maybe werewolves! Maybe ISIS has found out how to make werewolves! Better make sure those “school marshals” have silver bullets, just in case! WHO KNOWS, IT COULD BE!!!11

He conceded the public would object to his plan as “a police state,” but he urged policy makers to sell school soldiers the same way corporations and creative artists sell other unpopular ideas.

Oh, no, no way would we assume some crackpot idea to put goddamn ARMED SOLDIERS in schools could possibly be “a police state”, naaaaaawwww, but, hey, what’s this wonderful idea you have to deal with that misconception, Mr. Anthony?

“When we have a new product that has elements that we’re not sure how people will respond to, what do we do as a corporation?” Anthony said. “We market it, and we market it as much as we can, so that whether people like it or not, we do all the things we can to essentially brainwash people into liking it before it actually comes out.”

BRILLIANT! Brilliant, Mr. Anthony! You see, they’d just need to sell us on the idea, the way they sell cornflakes or movies or, um, shitty video games! “New American Fascism, tastes great and 50% fewer calories than other brands”!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me nobody’s listening to this idiot. I really would like to keep hope that, regardless of all evidence to the contrary and in spite of my cynicism, that we have not fallen that far down the abyss that anyone would take this glomming geek seriously.