He’s joking, right?

Or maybe it’s something from one of the twelve-year-olds who play his games; I mean, this couldn’t possibly be something that a mature adult could suggest:

The former director of the “Call of Duty” video game franchise suggested stationing soldiers in U.S. schools.

“The threat now, the invasion, comes from within,” said Dave Anthony, the former video game developer and a current international security fellow at the Atlantic Council.

Anthony made the remarks Wednesday at the nonpartisan Washington think tank, arguing that military personnel could function like air marshals on commercial flights, reported Bloomberg Business Week.

So… why, with the military powering up schools the same way they’ve done with police departments, do we evidently need fecking ARMED GUARDS in schools?

Three guesses, and the first two don’t count:

The website reported that Anthony’s speech was accompanied by videos depicting future threats such as a U.S. drone hacked by Iran or a hotel massacre in Las Vegas, and he warned of the domestic threat posed by Islamic State militants.

“It could be that you have 100 of these guys who may be on our soil right now, who may even be U.S. citizens, who could legally walk into whatever gun store they choose, buy some assault rifles, and start attacking soft targets,” Anthony said.

DAMN, good thing the NRA has kept us from regulating assault rifles in any useful way or requiring universal background checks. But, then again, I suppose those ISIS commandos (who may or may not be here, it could be, WHO KNOWS!?) could always, um, JUST STEAL THE GODDAMN ASSAULT RIFLES THE PENTAGON GAVE THE SCHOOLS. *headdesk* *headdesk*

Or maybe werewolves! Maybe ISIS has found out how to make werewolves! Better make sure those “school marshals” have silver bullets, just in case! WHO KNOWS, IT COULD BE!!!11

He conceded the public would object to his plan as “a police state,” but he urged policy makers to sell school soldiers the same way corporations and creative artists sell other unpopular ideas.

Oh, no, no way would we assume some crackpot idea to put goddamn ARMED SOLDIERS in schools could possibly be “a police state”, naaaaaawwww, but, hey, what’s this wonderful idea you have to deal with that misconception, Mr. Anthony?

“When we have a new product that has elements that we’re not sure how people will respond to, what do we do as a corporation?” Anthony said. “We market it, and we market it as much as we can, so that whether people like it or not, we do all the things we can to essentially brainwash people into liking it before it actually comes out.”

BRILLIANT! Brilliant, Mr. Anthony! You see, they’d just need to sell us on the idea, the way they sell cornflakes or movies or, um, shitty video games! “New American Fascism, tastes great and 50% fewer calories than other brands”!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me nobody’s listening to this idiot. I really would like to keep hope that, regardless of all evidence to the contrary and in spite of my cynicism, that we have not fallen that far down the abyss that anyone would take this glomming geek seriously.

 

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2 thoughts on “He’s joking, right?

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